Mammograms
Something I believe pretty much all women can relate to (and some men! I see you men!) - is the annual visit to pay dutiful penance to the medieval torture device otherwise known as a mammography machine. This device was clearly designed by people who hate women. Or at least women with breasts. Or men with breasts. Pretty much anyone with breasts. I went this month to see vlad the compressor who instead of impaling me, forced me to position myself in a way that injured my rotator cuff for the pleasure of smashing my breasts into a pancake between two unforgiving acrylic plates. Oh, and I had to hold still AND hold my breath while in this contorted, unforgiving position. All this only to be told that they weren’t able to smash my breast to a crepe-thin wisp instead of a fluffy pancake so I had to come back a week later to do it AGAIN, only this time with ultrasound too.
Now mammograms have been around for decades and there is compelling evidence that they help identify tissue abnormalities early. In fact, it did just that for me as a teenager when it revealed a DCIS tumor in my perky-denser-then-they-are now right breast (thank you DES!). So how is it decades later it isn’t possible to see what’s what in my far less perky but apparently still dense breasts (although my bra might argue given it has soft quit in lieu of actually supporting my demands)? Hmmmm…
In any event, I am NOT saying don’t get a mammogram. I AM saying that the designers and manufacturers of mammography devices need to spend some time with their mothers and heal whatever wounds they incurred as a child because she was exhausted with their incessant prattling on about all things star wars or star trek or whatever techno-obsession they had while she was trying to get a healthy dinner that they might actually eat on the table in 30 minutes after she got home from her own stressful workday that started before 6AM. Learn to appreciate your mothers and understand they did their best. Stop hurting women under the guise of potentially saving their lives. I have been feeling you medical device developers every day – and night – for the past three weeks because your stupid device injured my shoulder. I am not happy with the lot of you. DO BETTER!!!
For the record, Breast Ultrasound is not in any way painful and gives higher precision imaging. Why do we have to spend time with the compressor at all? I’m guessing money over compassionate logic. Feel free to comment with your thoughts.
